5 Lessons We’ve Learned in 25 years of Marriage

Last week my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We feel so old! Where has the time gone? We’ve had 10 children, lived in 10 different homes, and raised our family in 3 states and 2 countries. It’s been an adventure, to say the least!

Every story is unique and life isn’t perfect for anyone, but perhaps there are some universal truths that apply to all of us. As we’ve contemplated our years as a couple, we’ve identified certain principles that have become foundational to our family.

For what it’s worth, through the ups and downs and blessings and bumps, here are 5 lessons we’ve learned in 25 years of marriage.

Worship often. For us that means regularly attending Sunday services as well as the temple—a holy edifice we revere as the House of the Lord. But no matter how you choose to believe, putting God first brings definite strength to a marriage. When we make sacrifices and acknowledge deity we are blessed in ways we can’t always understand or foresee. Our family and children and circumstances benefit from the protection and vision of a power higher than our own. We believe that keeping God at the helm of our marriage has given us direction and peace. The sacrifices we make to worship daily and weekly are definitely worth the divine dividends.

Choose children. Consciously choosing to have children and raise a family is like Adam and Eve departing the Garden of Eden: leaving a pattern of ease is difficult, but our eyes are opened and we understand good and evil and see life more clearly. Through experience we come to know what truly matters and spend our time on things that will last. Sure, raising a family is no cakewalk, but it is a true exhibition of the age-old adage that ‘you reap what you sow.’ Effort and experience blossom into eternal blessings. The number of children we bear isn’t what’s vital; it’s the conscious choice that matters. Putting someone’s life above your own brings sweetness to everyday living, even despite the drudgery and exhaustion. And in the end, choosing children brings us joy.

Take opportunities. The greatest regret people have when they grow old is that they didn’t take enough risks! Marriage is the same. Life is full of chances, and we can and should benefit from ventures outside our comfort zone whenever reasonable. The more opportunities we pursue, the more life gives us in return, until our days are full and rich and wonderful.

One theme of our marriage has been, “Why not?” We only live once, and aside from making obviously stupid decisions, we’ve tried to take the road less traveled and accept good risks when they come. Job promotions, service callings, solicitations to move, and even dinner requests keep life interesting and full. Life rarely sends us an invitation more than once, so when a good chance rolls by, take it!

Bloom where you’re planted. This is actually my in-law’s life theme, and we’ve adopted it as a couple, too. Similar to the Boy Scout adage to ‘leave every place better than you found it,’ blooming where you’re planted denotes a level of contentment with our current circumstances and situations. (In comparison to my last point, yes, take opportunities, but don’t waste your days looking over the fence in wishful agony.) As human beings we have the ability to improve the world around us. We can paint walls and fix up homes, even in grey neighborhoods. We can plant gardens and flowers, even in the downtown smog. We can reach out to those around us and make friends, even with a grumpy co-worker or neighbor. We can create temples and palaces and lives no matter where we live.

I’m grateful for a husband who has planted gardens in rocky soil, made friends with neighbors who didn’t wave the first time, and painted and patched surroundings, both temporal and abstract. Making the most of each situation has made life ideal. Realizing that we are creators and have the ability to grow, change, and bloom is liberating.

Choose to Celebrate Life is a choice, tied to our agency. We can literally choose happiness or misery. We can live the life we want to live. We can make choices to pursue the career we want, serve those we wish to serve, have the health we desire, and create and build the deepest stirrings of our hearts. Accepting our agency is exhilarating. The glass is always half full or half empty, really.

In addition to embracing our power to be, we can also purposely and purposefully celebrate the little things in our marriage and homes. Form traditions, give flowers, mark anniversaries, blow out candles, revel in holidays, anticipate milestones, make things special, and go the extra mile to bless our spouse, our children, and those around us. I’m not talking about cutesy living. I’m describing traditions and anticipation that give stability and strength to a marriage. Some of our sweetest moments as a couple have occurred because we planned ahead, took the time, and marked with gratitude what we have and what we have accomplished.

What will the next 25 years bring? God only knows, and I’m sure when we celebrate our fiftieth anniversary we’ll be much older and wiser and have even more adages in our pocket. One thing we know for sure is that the life lessons will continue, both the good and the bad, and we are excited to travel the trail together.

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